The Watch

STORYTIME!

The year was 2016. After I left my first part-time job at Stockton University, many things happened. I was trying a few different jobs, among them recording high school football games and shelving at the Ocean County Library. But the job that made me the most money was serving at the country club down the road from my house. Waiting tables was something I always dreaded, due to the chaotic nature of the industry and my aversion to being overwhelmed with disorganized tasks, but I bucked up and did the job as best I could.

In 2015, my grandmother died. It was the first major loss I had felt in my adult life, devastating in many ways, and an important learning experience. Later, in 2016, right in the middle of our story, my grandfather, too, would pass away. The years of 2015 and 2016 were the years I learned about loss, and went through many different stages. First, there was grief. During a few weeks off work, I felt no desire to get out of bed, rolling out somewhere around 3:00 each afternoon. Next, there was busyness. I went into my last semester working at Stockton, doubled down with the Ocean County Library, and replaced flipping tables for major tips. The busier I was, the less I stayed in bed, and that was the goal. Finally, there was acceptance. Learning about grief, however jarring, strengthened me as a person, and I walked away with a number of resolves. Buried within those resolves was a desire to become a new man. To dress better. To be charismatic. To be a contender. As part of that, I started wearing my grandfather’s watch. He had left it behind when he left this earth, and it was a good fit for me, so I started wearing it each day.

I liked the addition of a wristwatch to my wardrobe. I was addicted to my phone all throughout college, always checking the numbers on the screen to keep track of time. Now, flipping my wrist up and staring at the hands in rotation cut my “screen” time in half, and taking a step past that bad habit felt amazing. I started loving my watch. Though I never really sounded this out until now, it became a part of my identity. It was a piece of clothing as routine as my shoes, shirts, and pants. And I began to look forward to putting it on each day.

There was just one problem.

Taking on so many hours at the country club, and working in the dining room, assisting with various kitchen jobs, I was getting into some messy business for most hours of my week. I didn’t want to ruin anything valuable, so I started taking my watch off before work. And doing this seriously bothered me.

This was very strange and out of character for me. For ten years, from 13 to 23, I had never obsessed over my appearance. I just was as I was, and placed my focus on my writing in my spare time. A biting feeling that I should be wearing a watch to work everyday was very strange indeed, but sure enough, I became increasingly frustrated with my messy restaurant job. I became increasingly aware of its negative aspects. I was extra flustered by the chaotic evenings and overwhelming tasks, and all in all, I wanted to drop the activity altogether. Doing so would leave just the library, where I was part-time and not attempting to advance further, so leaving either job would leave me with space that needed filling.

As silly as it sounds, even as I type it, being upset over not getting to wear that watch at work was the final push I needed to make a decision about my professional life.

How about a good old flashback? That’ll spice up any narrative. One night, as I was eating dinner with Mom, talking on and on about my experiences at Stockton and my views on public education, she said to me, “You know, you really would be a good teacher.” She, at the time, was working for a nearby school district and was convinced she could help me start there as a substitute with relative ease. All that needed to happen was for me to make the choice. For a long time, I brushed off the thought. I had just graduated from college in 2014. I didn’t want to spend any more time in the academic environment. I wanted to be free of it! So I tried out various jobs that I found artistically appealing (videography, library work) or financially convenient (waiting tables). After a short time, and a strange fit of persuasion over a tiny wrist accessory, I made the decision to become a substitute teacher.

This is an important story because it got me started on my next path. In the two years from 2017 to 2019, I got more and more invested into working at schools, and am currently a personal aide to a young student with Autism. My Praxis exam is approaching this August. I am determined to advance in education as I continue my writing career and navigate the academic environment as a means of helping others, particularly students. 

All because I wanted a job where I could comfortably wear a watch.

This last part is a bit sad, but the watch is gone now. I’m not exactly sure what happened. I only know that it disappeared at work, at the very job I took so that I could wear it. I don’t remember why I took it off. I don’t know who snatched it up. The folks at lost and found didn’t have a clue either. But as sad as it was, I dealt with it the same way I dealt with my grandparents' passing. I took a look around the school I was standing in. I thought about the kids I wanted to help. I thought about the steps I would take to continue advancing in the industry, and how I would use my experiences therein to influence my writing, which has always been my ultimate desire. I've always wanted to connect real experiences to real people using my characters and stories. I didn’t worry much about the lost watch. The watch, after all, wasn’t my grandfather. It was just something he used to wear. And my decision to move on really wasn't about a watch. It was about a desire to step forward in life, away from grief, away from feeling sorry for myself, away from wasting time, and making this journey one that I would look back on fondly when I finally see my grandparents again. 

I do still wear a watch to work. This one I picked up at Walmart. There’s no interesting story behind it. Just an impulse buy from a new me.